Why are we dissatisfied even though nothing seems wrong?

What is the end goal of every single human on this planet?

Regardless of age, gender, religion, their reaction towards pineapple on pizza (it doesn’t matter eat what pleases your taste buds).

Well it is a really broad question.

But I’d say the most widely accepted answer is happiness in some form or another. However, a lot of us common folk have been feeling under the weather for what seems to be absolutely no reason.

Assuming you have the basic necessities essential to survive and are in somewhat good health,

You should in theory, like a deer in meadows of green grass or a lioness that just killed fresh prey,

Be satisfied.

But obviously we are not.

Because unlike the lioness and the deer us humans don’t completely depend on the fulfillment of our needs in order to be happy.

We want more,

We always do.

Its human nature to desire.

Yet it is when that desire becomes obsessive and controlling that we experience a seemingly mysterious wave of dark clouds.

Well how can you help controlling your wants?

To get started let’s set up a little imaginary scenario.

You have gotten into a brand-new relationship with the most attractive person you’ll ever know,

They are perfect,

Perfect for you.

However, you have been through a series of bad relationships in the past and you feel like since the person you’re with is so perfect they will never cease to be all you expect.

They will never fail you,

They shouldn’t fail you,

After all, how lucky are they to have you trust them so dearly.

As the relationship goes on you start to realize that they are slipping up more than you anticipated,

And your shiny image of a flawless significant other starts to crumble.

The lack of things that you pictured, like them buying you flowers or taking you out for dinner build up frustration and anger which blind you from seeing any sort of effort they are putting in.

Eventually your relationship crumbles and you are left feeling heart broken.

On the other hand, your friend got into a relationship too. She, just as you did, went through many rough relationships and after a long time of avoiding the other sex, she finally decides its time to give love a chance again.

Her boyfriend isn’t perfect, she sees that, but he puts in a lot of effort to try express how much he cares about her. Yes, he is often pretty bad at remembering dates and can forget their anniversary from time to time, but that’s okay.

She chooses to see the good he does, like how he makes breakfast on Sundays so she doesn’t have to wake up early and cancels plans with his friends if he sees her sad. That’s what means a lot more to her.

Your friend’s relationship lasts a lot longer than yours.

But why? What is she doing different?

You might say she does not have expectations but that isn’t true. Of course she has expectations, otherwise it isn’t much of a relationship.

She just truly weighs what expectations are truly fair and deserving of the space in her head.

And that’s the entire formula to it. Going into things expecting results that are out of your wildest dreams is never a good idea.

If you choose to be happy with what you get, understand what is really important to you and your health and then enjoy anything extra that life may throw at you, you are bound to be a lot more realistic and happier.

If you feel like you’re unsatisfied but you can’t put your finger on why, in most cases your mentality towards things can be your answer.

To clarify this doesn’t mean accept whatever is happening and don’t complain, its more so understanding what you consider essential and what you don’t, really weighing the benefits and asking yourself “what difference would it make if I didn’t constantly need this?”

Well what about self-disappointment?

A man with a Christian mother feels bad when going out to party because his mother told him it’s a sin. In his head he believes by drinking alcohol he is doing something gravely criminal as his mother defined for him what’s right and wrong from birth.

By following rules defined in your head you can often be dragging yourself into feeling like you aren’t good at anything.

Obviously if you are religious it’s a different story, but this same concept can apply to the expectations we set for ourselves.

Just because you were raised to believe a ‘B’ isn’t a good grade, when you get a ‘B’ it can be devastating, almost the end of the world, due to you letting something so insignificant define your character and self-worth.

A ‘B’ may not be the grade you wanted, but your life isn’t over. Accepting that you got that ‘B’ with hard work is clearly what you need to consider more important. And if you didn’t work hard enough, your first step is acknowledging that and making sure next time around you will do better.

Being harsh on yourself will never result in success. Its just demotivating and uninspiring.

Setting goals you can see yourself achieve should be vital towards keeping everything upstairs healthy and in check.

Conclusion

All in all, expectations can be a great thing when restricted to reality.

However, making a mountain out of mole hills will just ruin the experience of everything and it’s a habit we human are unfortunately way too familiar with.

Keeping your priorities in check and sitting down to meditate on your life choices will always lead to a happier and healthier you overall.